I'm posting this on behalf of my girlfriend.  She sent me a paper she wrote back in 10th grade and I got a giggle out of it.  I'll probably be leveraging some points made as platforms to propel some arguments I've been thinking of.  But, anyway, without further ado:

The Real Santa Clause
Essay originally written by Rhiannon Modzelewski

Remember the tale your parents used to tell you about Santa Claus? The one you will probably be telling your kids, until you really think about it. Is this really the type of guy you want your kids to believe in? Think about how kids in today's society view him.

Parents tell their kids he is a big, fat, jolly man that goes around on Christmas Eve to bring you presents. In today's society children would view him as an overweight closet eater that mooches off of everyone, and is addicted to Prozac. Recall the songs that used to talk about Santa knowing if you'd been good or bad, and knows when you're awake. What is this? Are people trying to make their kids paranoid at an early age? Kids won't be able to go to the bathroom without checking the entire place for hidden cameras and other spying paraphernalia. They won't be able to sleep anymore because they'll think he might come into their room. Parents also feed their children junk like “he lives in the North Pole.” This is a lie because one can see him living in box on the streets of New York when it snows, ringing a bell to get money that will eventually be used for drugs and alcohol, and smelling of dead fish.

If in fact the story does go the way the parents say, the man is a slave driver. He sits around getting fat all year, while his vertically challenged, pointy eared, gremlins build worthless toys. Why doesn't Toys R' Us or any other toy distributor give Santa any credit for building their toys? He is obviously their supplier according to the story. Furthermore, in today's day and age it is illegal to discriminate against people to give them a job, but Santa will only hire happy go lucky midgets with a birth defect of the ears. If Santa is who adults say he is, how come they never get any presents from him? Could it be that the carefree, fat man is actually preying on small children, and luring them into his grasp? What a thing to tell little kids, “ This big old man is coming into the house tonight through the chimney, while you are asleep, and without setting off the alarm.” This so called Santa Claus must have parents wrapped around his finger because no one in their right mind would willingly stand in line for hours at the mall with screaming hellions, so they can sit on some strangers lap. If he took off the Santa costume would they still let their kids sit on his lap and entice them with candy?

Lets think logically here people. Is Santa really what everyone perceives him as, or is he just another “goody” to take away from the kids whose parents don't want to deal with them? The type of parents that say their kids have ADD and/or ADHD just so they can get them on Ritalin, and they don't actually have to be a parent. When these people's children get out of hand, they resort to threats of Santa giving them coal for Christmas instead of all the materialistic goodies they had begged and pleaded for. Depending on the age of the child this may or may not work. In the case that it doesn't, the parents seek refuge in the ever so often unnecessary medication.

Now when parents think about telling their kids about Santa Claus, one can only hope they will consider what they are saying. Think about the kids for God's sake. Are parents trying to destroy their children's adolescence by making them paranoid, drug addicted insomniacs? One could definitely agree that this man may not be who he appears to be, and someone people do not need to tell their kids about.

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